Last week I introduced the notion that “Negation Kills Understanding” with respect to intimate relationships. Hopefully, those of you who have partners had an opportunity to engage with this assertion. Whether we are partnered or solo, however, as human beings we’re susceptible to the mischief of our ego and it requires a great deal of vigilance on our part to keep our inner and outer space clean and clear, so onward and upward my fellow Travelers.
This week’s blog continues our exploration into the nature of “Clean Energy and Clear Space” from our Feb. Newsletter by looking into another interpersonal notion I call “The Dance of Love and Truth.” The steps toward grasping this principle may be simple, but they are not easy to master. This is so because as infants, we were not taught about the linkages between Love and Truth, as adults, we have few role models for demonstrating their connection. And in general, our society pays little homage to the importance of Truth while at the same time reducing Love down to little more than a cheesy romance novel. To grasp the deeper meaning of The Dance of Love and Truth, we need a clear understanding of what each of the dancers brings to the party.
There are many ways to define “Love,” but for purposes of this discussion it can be understood as “an unselfish concern, affinity, and care for another.” Notice all the “I can’t live without you” drama and codependent energy of attachment and need is absent from the definition? Pure and simple, Love is about caring for another or others in a manner that places them in the foreground of our interest, affection, and conviction. (Obviously, Romantic Love involves more passion, enchantment and entanglement, but the underlying virtue of “unselfish concern” remains the same.)
Our other dancer partner “Truth,” again can be understood in many ways, but essentially and most simply, it refers to “what is, exactly as it is, with nothing added or subtracted.” This notion is quite different from “ultimate truth,” or “spiritual truth,” or even our moralistic understanding in which “truth” is contrasted against fibbing or lying. The bottom line is that the dancer called “Truth” safeguards the continuity and stability of our perceived reality. In other words, when I look in the mirror I see myself just as I am, and although I may not always like what I see, in truth, it is indeed an accurate reflection of me just as I am, with nothing added or subtracted. My reality would quickly destabilize if I convinced myself I was looking at someone else . . . and if I pushed this pattern of denial to its extremes, I would eventually lose touch with reality and my identity would begin to destabilize and eventually deteriorate.
Now let’s explore two key facets of the “Dance,” beginning with the moves called, “Love Leads and Truth Follows.” Think of these steps like Love being Truth’s betrothed, bringing sweetness, compassion, and understanding into our relationships. (Truth without Love can be rigid and abrasive, and thus a detriment to the exchange of affinity and care.)
And just as the lead shifts back and forth between dancers as they dance, let’s now look at the moves called “Truth Leads and Love Follows.” Think of these steps like Truth acting as Love’s guardian, in that its grounding presence keeps Love protected and safe. (Love without Truth is inauthentic and deceitful and is a detriment to the stability of our relationships.)
So as we can see, just is a beautiful dance engages both dancers in a collaborative embrace, Love and Truth together provides a nurturing balance of reality and affinity, a fluid synergistic movement in which both partners can freely give and receive to one another. In wrapping up this week’s blog, I encourage you to put on some of your favorite music, invite your partner out onto the dance floor and dance your way into some new and fulfilling moves of who you both truly are. (And if you don’t have a partner, how about a full-length mirror, some candlelight and a bit of ballroom imagination?)